i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
