I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
