break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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