so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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