The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
