so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize