i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
