I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
