im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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