why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
