This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
