i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
