omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
