think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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