did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
