i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
