I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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