This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
