i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
