All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
