I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
where are my eyebrows?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
