I accidentally had phone sex last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
