porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
