The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
