So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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