SEEEEXXX PLEASE
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
