I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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