Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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