turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
