Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
