I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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