There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
