i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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