I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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