She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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