we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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