I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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