Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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