ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
