He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
