I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just high enough for therapy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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