someone threw a dead crab at me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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