it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
