So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
