Apparently you make a good broom.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
