Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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