I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
