You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize