I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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