I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
