was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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