your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
