People with herpes should wear stickers.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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