I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
