you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
