nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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