screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
