READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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