It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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