You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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