haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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