I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dear god my vagina.
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