I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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