im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
