i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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