Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
