dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
